Art Evans: Get Well Soon!

Blue Hand in Pelvis Xray Captioned
Art Evans’ x-rays are back.
Yes! It’s Bob Hempstead’s hand up there!

You may have heard about Art Evans’ bottom problem, and how he’s been looking for qualified opinions as to what the diagnosis of his butt pain might be.

A little lower, doc. No, lower.

Well, we’ve acquired some evidence that the problem is, as we’ve always suspected, and judging from the Town of Cairo’s Highway Department page, Art’s suffering from what is known as the “chronic hand-up-the-butt syndrome,” an almost incurable condition but sometimes treatable with radical surgery. Our radiology consultant has identified the hand in the x-ray to belong to Bob Hempstead, incumbent Town of Cairo Highway Superintendent, and supporter of his part-time pet, Art Evans.

Wipe that smile off your face, Bob! And go wash your hands!

Evans, despite his affliction, is running for Town of Cairo Highway Superintendent, and despite having no real highway experience, and being only a part-time employee of the Cairo Highway Department, is a bit of a disappointing candidate. Here’s one reason why: One of the main symptoms of the chronic hand-up-the-butt syndrome is having (and being) a pain in the ass, and having to ask your keeper, in this case Bob Hempstead, to make decisions for you. Well, Bob has recommended that Art not undergo the surgery that could possibly save his ass; Bob’s hand is to remain there forever, we guess.

Well, Captain Weasel-Wacker would like to take this opportunity to wish Art Evans a miraculous recovery — and it will be a real miracle if he can get Bob’s hand out of there — and to start being more focused getting some experience and highway knowledge before running for office. That may prove difficult, because Art will continue to have an irritating tickling sensation around his bottom…that’s his evil twin, Bob Hempstead.

There’s a weasel up there and we’re going to whack it! No weasel deals in the Town of Cairo Highway Department! 

By the way, where is Greene County District Attorney Joe Stanzione (R) while all of the weasel deals and mismanagement of public interests is going on? Probably kissing “R” butt and keeping out of sight, something he does REALLY weasel-well! We’ll get his x-rays, too.

Weasel-Dealer, Joe Stanzione, Greene County DA.
Captain Weasel Whacker is watching and whacking those Greene County Weasels!

This post has been republished with permission on the popular SMALBANY blog at Captain Weasel Whacker sends Art Evans Get Well Wishes!

3 thoughts on “Art Evans: Get Well Soon!

  1. Greetings! Tried to send an email but your email isn’t working. Apparently the Cairo development foundation just got 50k? That they decided to use to fix up apartments on a building owned by the foundation? Seems odd – could you do a little digging? I know a lot of people applied for that grant – why did they get it?

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    1. Thank you, Anon, for your comment.
      My email is captain.weasel.whacker@gmail.com. It does work but I can’t explain why it gave you trouble.

      Anyway, we’ll have a look at what’s going on but there’s really no way to say how or why one applicant gets a grant, while others go empty-handed. No one is going to come out and say “Yeah! I’m crooked” or “The grant went to friends of ours.” No one has that kind of guts around here, and state agencies are just as crooked as anyone else. You have a political connection you get the grant. You have a friend in some high place, you get the grant.

      But we’re patient, very patient. Some time some one is going to say too much and then they’re WEASEL-WHACKED!

      In the meantime, keep your eyes and your ears open.

      Cpt W.W.

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      1. The plot thickens. Diana is involved with the foundation. Her husband is the town supervisor. Apparently this grant money is old money. Seems like he gave it to his wife on his way out the door.

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