You may have heard about Art Evans’ bottom problem, and how he’s been looking for qualified opinions as to what the diagnosis of his butt pain might be.
Well, we’ve acquired some evidence that the problem is, as we’ve always suspected, and judging from the Town of Cairo’s Highway Department page, Art’s suffering from what is known as the “chronic hand-up-the-butt syndrome,” an almost incurable condition but sometimes treatable with radical surgery. Our radiology consultant has identified the hand in the x-ray to belong to Bob Hempstead, incumbent Town of Cairo Highway Superintendent, and supporter of his part-time pet, Art Evans.
Evans, despite his affliction, is running for Town of Cairo Highway Superintendent, and despite having no real highway experience, and being only a part-time employee of the Cairo Highway Department, is a bit of a disappointing candidate. Here’s one reason why: One of the main symptoms of the chronic hand-up-the-butt syndrome is having (and being) a pain in the ass, and having to ask your keeper, in this case Bob Hempstead, to make decisions for you. Well, Bob has recommended that Art not undergo the surgery that could possibly save his ass; Bob’s hand is to remain there forever, we guess.
Well, Captain Weasel-Wacker would like to take this opportunity to wish Art Evans a miraculous recovery — and it will be a real miracle if he can get Bob’s hand out of there — and to start being more focused getting some experience and highway knowledge before running for office. That may prove difficult, because Art will continue to have an irritating tickling sensation around his bottom…that’s his evil twin, Bob Hempstead.
By the way, where is Greene County District Attorney Joe Stanzione (R) while all of the weasel deals and mismanagement of public interests is going on? Probably kissing “R” butt and keeping out of sight, something he does REALLY weasel-well! We’ll get his x-rays, too.
This post has been republished with permission on the popular SMALBANY blog at Captain Weasel Whacker sends Art Evans Get Well Wishes!